Just been pondering over motherhood lately. Guess I always am because of my own continual journey. Mums are an amazing type of woman. From the first minute you find out your pregnant to the day you pass from this earth you have been given a new role and not always an easy role to accept.
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant it didn't go exactly as you might think. I wasn't ready.... so not ready. I was a newly wed and my son was created about 3 to 4 weeks after I said 'I do'. So I wasn't ready. I didn't even know what been married was like and being on the pill hadn't been good for my body so I went off it. It only took that small window of time and that was it...
I had a sneaking suspicion something happened that night. A gut instinct you could say. A random thought 'I think we've made a baby...' but then I just forgot about it.
My 25th birthday clocked by both our families came for a dinner. Man I was tired. Sore boobies... It should have been a sign...
...I sat there at Family Planning by myself wondering what to do. They gave me a pregnancy test, I took it. She sat me down and said 'Congratulations your having a baby'... I burst out crying... I wasn't ready... I cried and I think I cried some more. My bosses sent me home. I told my new husband... 3 times... Yeah it was a shock.
I was a mother! This little human had been there waiting to be announced and here he was. I wanted a boy, always had.
But my mind hadn't caught up with my body. Thank God he gives you all those months to get used to the idea because it took ALL those weeks to get my head around it. (Perhaps I'm still getting my head around it!).
Newly Wed/Mother to be. Not the first in the world to have it happen too and certainly not the last but boy did I feel alone. The months ticked by and my boy grew, I loved seeing the scans and each time 'is it a boy'...
Then the time came for him to come in to the world. Oh those little niggles, then bigger cramps, then 'oh no's...' and in my case a lot of moanings for my 'mummy' and I was glad she was there! Here was her baby having a baby! I drained the life out of my mother, she took on the emotion and strain of the event.
I remember the moment Master A came in to this world via ventouse. He took my breathe away, this is the little man I've been growing and waiting for. He's been my constant companion ever since.
When Master A was just over 4 months old I became a solo mum. My life was a bit of a wreck. I felt so broken and raw. If I hadn't had my faith in God I think I would have lost myself in despair. As it was I was just holding on by a thread, but my thread was a well bound God twine. I knew how that little kitten felt hanging on by a thread in that old poster.
Mums... They support, love, grieve, look after, care for, fight for, embrace, correct, growl, chauffeur, clothe, feed, shelter and just BE with us.
My mummy passed away 6 and half years ago now. I miss her all the time, some days more then others. I'm so glad my boy got to spent time with his nanny. She loved and still loves all her grandys so much. I take my mum with me wherever I go. She is the constant companion in my heart and on my shoulder. I can hear her voice and know what advice she'd give me. My dreams bring her in to my life and she is well not sick. She looks good.
The day I became a mum was the day I began to realize how much she had done for me and all those important values and unspoken ways she had taught me. She brought up 5 children on her own pretty much and I am in awe of how she did it. So when I struggle with my own thoughts around motherhood I remember her and her tenacity, strength and warped sense of humour that got us all through.
So my hats off to all you mums as we share this journey together.
Its not always a joy (but yes it does have its wonderful moments) but my goodness we would kill for our kiddies if anything or anyone does something to them. I love my son so much and I thank God that he knew better then I did when bringing us together! I couldn't imagine my life without Master A.
I am a praying Parent! I can't do it without my LORD.
Arohanui to you all!